BETTER SENSE                  

Amrita was shattered.

18 in Chemistry! She checked the results on the screen of her laptop again- hoping intensely that it was something in her eyes. Her eyes were perfect; it was 18 out of 100 that she had got in her favourite subject. If one were to experience shock. Despair, fear and grief at the same time then that was what Amrita was having. One couldn’t blame her though, these exams were so important for her! They were supposed to be a gateway to higher studies in one of the most reputed universities of Canada.

Amrita wanted to be a Geologist. Ever since she had to leave India at the age of 14 years and accompany her parents to the country of Maple Syrup, she had set her eyes on that field of study. Even in school, she neglected English and that “indomitably stupid” French to study books on the physical sciences in the library. As she graduated and was admitted in college she chose to do her bachelor’s degree in Geology. Her goal had never seen closer to being achieved.   She was in her final year at college and 18! She was devastated. Her dad would be shattered.

Her dad! The thought of her dad made tears well up those beautiful eyes which boys at school and men at college had so been used to complimenting. Her dad was very understanding, thought Amrita, but she was doubtful as his reaction on this. If she were at school, she would have been afraid of him and perhaps would have even hated him for a few days for scolding her. But she wasn’t a school-kid anymore. She didn’t hate her dad but was afraid of him being hurt. He had always stood by his daughter; but then again there was a limit to everyman’s patience. Amrita felt as though she had committed a great sin.

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Debojit Mazumdar was a mixture of opposites. Standing at five feet seven and having a lean frame, he was jovial towards life but extremely serious towards how its business was to be conducted. He was seated with his wife in the living room and discussing about which university would be better for their daughter. Aware that she wanted to do her masters in Geology, they had already shortlisted around twenty names. They were at present debating on whether they should arrange for the loan now or after one month when Amrita came downstairs. Her father beamed.

“There’s my Skinny Champ!” he said, joking at how thin she looked. “Your Mom and I have already listed some universities for your masters, we are so responsible you see” he continued jokingly.

Amrita didn’t say anything. She didn’t smile. Her father’s enthusiasm regarding her exams had worsened her condition. Trying to hold back her tears, she gave held up the printout of her result.

“What is this?” He looked quizzed as he took the paper from her. Obviously, he didn’t know anything about when the results were due. As he opened the folded results and began to read, Amrita couldn’t dare to look at his face. She knew what the reaction going on there was. Her father’s jovial face was no longer existent and in all probability the red hue on his cheeks had turned black. Tears were almost bursting her eyes now.

“What is this?” Debojit Mazumdar’s voice sounded like a whisper. Amrita looked up with great difficulty, trying her best to hide her tears by wearing her glasses before raising her head, but the drops of salty water on that beautiful face were simply unmistakeable.

“18 in Chemistry? You got 18?”

No answer. Amrita didn’t have any answer. She had got 18 in Chemistry, the answer was an yes. But how could she say that to her father? Amrita felt as if she were standing in the fire of hell burning for her sins with her God looking down from above with tears in His eyes.

“How?” He asked.

Debojit’s face was reddened with anger. Or was it disappointment? He was not sure. He  was not sure of anything other than that he wanted to yell out loud at that skinny girl in tee standing in front of him. His mind was racing, but where he did not know. The horse was not heeding the bridles of its jockey. His better sense proclaimed that ought to treat his daughter better, but anger is not the conductor of better sense.

“Besides”, the horse raced on, “She doesn’t deserve it; she doesn’t deserve better judgement, she has thrown herself here. I have supported her all these years, I don’t care anymore. She chose the ditch, let her lie in it.”

As the waves of self-justification flooded the shores, Debojit threw the printout towards his daughter. It fell short of her and on the floor space between the two of them. Amrita could well understand that her father was in a rage. She had been prepared for this. She knew she deserved it. But she wasn’t prepared for what followed.

“Let me make this clear. I am not going to finance your education anymore, nor am I going to be a guarantor for your loans. As far as I am concerned, you should start financing yourself.”

Amrita looked up. What was her dad saying? Stop financing? If he stopped financing her education, how could she carry on her studies? One debacle in academics and this was the outcome? She knew this couldn’t happen by any stretch of imagination. Yet, something her eyes told her it was happening-in reality.

Amrita was shattered to bits.

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Debojit was in his study. Seated in his high-backed chair, he was looking outside the window.

His mind was disturbed. The waves of self-justification had passed leaving the logical plain devastated to represent the after-effects of a tsunami. He was sure of what to do and what he had done, but not of whether they were the correct steps. His steps were becoming lofty, he thought. For the first time in his life, Debojit Mazumdar was doubtful of himself. Better sense was speaking softly.

“But what else could I have done?” he asked himself, urging the waves to drown him again.

“There is a limit to a man’s endurance.” But the waves did not seem to have the same force as before, for a small voice said in his head, “But what about a father’s endurance?”

As he continued to look out of the window, he caught sight of a spider’s web on the wall just above the window. It was quite a large web and Debojit remembered that he had been meaning to dust it off for quite some time. He felt lazy to do it just now and simply lounged in his chair observing the spiders.

There were a lot of small spiders in the web. Debojit thought how many. He couldn’t count. He guessed there were about twenty of them. Although he wasn’t very fond of spiders, Debojit thought that the little ones looked cute, squirming all over the web. There was also a large spider in the web, looking over the activities of the little spiders. One of their parents, reflected Debojit.

The large spider was contemplating the movements of the small spiders with extreme stillness. It was almost as if it was afraid of the little spiders knowing that she was there. Then-suddenly-it darted towards the small ones and without warning took several of them in its pincered mouth. Debojit watched in horror as the parent sucked the life out of its children to fulfil its own thirst.

He couldn’t bear it anymore. He closed his eyes and clutched the leather bound arms of his chair. The horrific scene was being replayed in his mind and he desperately wanted to get rid of it. How could a mother or father devour their own children? How horrendous!

“That’s what spiders do,” said a small voice, “but you think it horrible. That shows you are not a spider.”

 Debojit’s mind was calm now. No, he was not a spider and wouldn’t act like one. He rose and made his way to his cell phone.

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“Miss Amrita Mazumdar? I am speaking on behalf of Barclay’s Bank”, spoke the person on the other side.

“Yes?” said Amrita. Now what? This was the bank where her dad had an account. Her nerves were failing her. Nowadays, she jumped at the slightest hint of a problem.

“Your education loan of $ 4, 00,000 has been sanctioned. Could you come down to the bank tomorrow and sign the documents?”

Amrita was stunned. Education loan? She hadn’t applied for it! Then who did? And more importantly, who was the guarantor?

“Uhm ok....”, began Amrita hesitatingly,” but could you tell me who is the guarantor?”

“Debojit Mazumdar”, replied the man from the bank in an astonished tone.